Dogma

Dogz Rule.

I have proof because I have a throne to lounge on.

Isn't that what the folks at Purina maintain? I think they're right. But even though we rule, we also live by rules. They are simple to understand and easy to follow. Let me share some of the basics in case your humans need a refresher course.

Fenway's Basic Rules for Mutual Understanding

1. Dogs rule damn near everything.

2. I want to play at least twice as long as you do.

3. I cannot take care of business until I find just the right spot.

4. I have two speeds—slow and torpedo.

5. Ants & maggots are a value-added commodity. Get over it—they are protein.

6. I can use any old furniture. But, with a little effort, I can easily make new furniture old, as needed.

7. If it moves I will herd it. Even if it's on TV.

8. I must lift and pee on every tree. (see item 3). If you have an unneutered dog, deal with the need to mark everything.

9. If you give me attention, I will stop craving it.

10. I do not mind walks in bad weather. Sun. Rain. Sleet. Snow. It's all the same to me. It's outdoors.

11. Clothes are for people. Antlers are for deer. Bunny ears are for rabbits.

12. Smile a lot. This will let your people know they are following the rules and you are happy.

13. Feed me on time, twice a day. Don't make me beg. And don't forget the water.

14. If you are happy, I will be happy.

15. This is my house. I need to bark strangers away, even if they come every day at the same time carrying mail.

Now we understand one another.